Weekend Update

So I figure I owe you all a bit of an apology.....or something like that. I mean it's not like I made any promises, I do appreciate you reading along with me for the past year but I kind of fell off the blog-wagon. The worst part of it is that I've had a tremendous amount of material that would've supplied hours of entertainment to all of you that has retracted itself to the cobwebby storage locker that is the back of my mind. I am going to do my best to pick up the pieces here and if ya'll promise to keep a-readin', I promise to keep a-writin'.

I left Nepal at the end of November and hoofed my way backwards through the border-crossing process that I endured only 5 weeks earlier. I waited for my train, eagerly scooping rice and dal with my right hand, making small talk with some other tourists and a rare feeling washed over me: I was back in India and I felt comfortable. The All-India Express jostled me for 42 hours from Uttar Pradesh to the chaos that is Bombay and I was greeted by a very good-looking man whose presence evoked a rush of emotions that reaffirmed why I was coming back to him. We would spend the next 3 months living in Puna, playing occasionally in Bombay and basking in the sun and sand of Goa for the holidays. Occasionally I was pinched by the realization that my year long trip would soon be complete and that I would return to my old world a completely new individual.

So just when I was really beginning to feel comfortable we got caught with our guard down. Ajit and I had parked the car on a main street in Bombay, crossed the road and entered a store for precisely 12 minutes. Upon our return we found the back window of the car smashed in, his laptop and my bag stolen. Other than my camera and personal items my bag also contained the extremely valuable ticket to my otherwise insignificant human existence: my Canadian passport. I anticipated that this wouldn't be a huge problem, I mean people must have dealt with this type of situation in the past, no? The Canadian government would treat a taxpayer as an individual and step in where needed, right? Well, let me just make it clear to all of you: YOU'RE TOTALLY F****N SCREWED AND LEFT TO SHOVEL YOUR WAY OUT OF YOUR OWN S**T. I'm just thankful for Ajit because if I was actually alone in India dealing with my passport at the time, I would still be - to this day - alone in India desperately dealing with my passport. We spent our last 10 days together completely consumed with the task at hand: flying to Delhi (twice!) to get my passport, contacting Indian immigration in Nepal, digging up unlisted phone numbers for border patrol, harassing Police chiefs, Foreigners Registration officers and one very arrogant secretary. At one point, knowing how desperate we were, she told us to go get her some printer paper. Yeah, actually go an buy it because they needed it in the office. Should I even mention that the filing system ran about as efficiently as a mosh pit, it's a wonder that they actually keep criminals out of that country. Let's be wary of the white girl and deal with the terrorists later! My flight was leaving in a week and no one seemed to care about the urgency of that. Whatever, take a number, chump. So Ajit and my time together came to an abrupt end and perhaps for the better. Who knows how our separation anxiety would've affected us if we didn't have the passport drama to distract us. It showed how well we worked together to actually execute the impossible task at hand. It's not easy to get the Indian government to do something for you in the span of one week, hell we were asking things of them multiple times a day!

Two days later than originally planned, I was finally sitting aboard the Singapore Airlines flight that I had played over in my mind many times before. This time I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. Are we ever though? I might've said this before (as someone said it to me) but I'll say it again: Life is what happens to us when we're busy making other plans.I had so many preconceived notions as to how things were going to be for me coming back home. I was excited about how much time I would be able to spend with all my good friends and family who I've sincerely missed and thought about over and over throughout the months of 2008. I was pumped about my new goal of improving the lives of those around me. I found comfort in the fact that I would finally have a nice little apartment of my own and a cushy job that would slowly tick away at my credit card balance. It is only now, when I've been back home for a few weeks where I see just how insignificant my absence was. Life hasn't changed a bit. In fact the only measure of time that I have is the changes evident in the faces of my friends' children. So I'm back in it and once again I find I've planned out the next 365 days. That's about as far as I ever get. In the eyes of those who live for the unknown: I'm too organized, in the eyes of the rest: I need a better plan. Either way it's all sorted; I've got my little apartment and a great job is in the works. God it was all too easy. The things that keep me up at night?....... well, I can't help but realize that all those moments I looked forward to while I was away will only occur on a rare occasion. I'm still here doing what I've always done, but this time I find a little bit of sadness as I come to terms with the fact that I can't hang onto all of you like I did for so many years.......my friends who I would give the world for. The one's I shared a dining table with at boarding school, the one's I shared a volleyball court with throughout my career, and all the rest who touched me deeply in one conversation or another. The world is spinning too quickly for me and I can't get enough.

So what's changed?......
I spend most of my time on the phone to India and I find great fulfillment in that.
I spend a lot of time reading, studying and actually doing the things on my TO DO list with the utmost care and focus.
I find it easy not to fight with my mother anymore.
I find it (just a little bit less) easy not to fight with my grandmother
I find it easy to give in a let people have their way
I can sit at home all weekend
I feel compassion for strangers, I look them in the eye and smile
I can't text message anymore, I want to talk


I'm still adjusting to being back. Canada: we have the room to move, we don't have any poverty, I have the ability to plan out my day, I'm not a victim of the constraints of culture, I'm not a walking ATM, I can speak the language. But I miss the freedom, I miss the Indian food, I miss the understanding and love people have towards the rest of their countrymen, I miss the 12cent Chai. I hate the way we distract ourselves, I hate the tunnel vision, I hate the way we think text messaging is actually communicating, I hate that we don't have any time for each other anymore.


Home is where the heart is......but what if I've left bits and pieces of it strewn all over the globe?